She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
