I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
