just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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