He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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