She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
