I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
