I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
