dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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