Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
