Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
