I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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