I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
