if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
