it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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