Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
