I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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