Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
