I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
