No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
