Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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