I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
