My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They took my balls.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
