Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
