well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
