just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
