My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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