She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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