I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
