their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
