i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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