my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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