I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
