my phone needs a breathalizer
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize