Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
