isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
