I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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