I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
