Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
