We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think people are normalizing furries
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
