your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
