My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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