don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
