Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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