im about as happy as oj after his trial
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
