shes about as inviting as chlamydia
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
