i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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