Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
