so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
