i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
