Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
